How we play

It's a mates game. No ref, no league, no shouting. It's competitive, but the competition is in the game itself, not in the result. Turn up on time, bring what you can, play fair, and remember the motto: a draw is good enough.

Arrive no later than 6:50pm so we're ready to kick off at 7pm sharp. Pitch time is paid for, so a late start is time we don't get back.

If you're cycling, be aware that the ground staff won't allow bikes inside the ground unless they fold. A folding bike is fine as long as it's folded when you bring it in. Anything else has to be locked up outside, and in the past bikes locked outside have been stolen. Bring a serious lock, or find another way in.

The pitch is 4G astro. Astro boots make a real difference and are strongly recommended. Bladed studs are not permitted.

Shin pads are optional but sensible.

You'll be put on the red team or the yellow team on the day. If you own a red or yellow top, bring both if you have them and wear whichever you're picked for. Don't worry if you haven't: there are usually spare bibs, and most regulars have their own.

The spirit of the thing comes first. A few things that keep it friendly:

Tackles. No wild sliding tackles. Sliding to cut out a through ball when there's nobody near you is fine. A two footed lunge at an opponent is not.

Honesty. If it went out off you, call it. We don't have a ref, so we referee ourselves.

Temperament. It's fine to want to win. It's not fine to make anyone's evening worse for it.

Offside comes up now and then, because even by our relaxed standards it's a grey area, and the one thing worse than any particular rule is uncertainty about it. So here's the official position.

We don't really play offside. But we also don't want someone camped on the penalty spot all night waiting for a hoof from the back. So we fudge it, on purpose:

No free kicks are given for offside. Ever.

In return, forwards should be making a genuine effort to stay onside. Playing on the shoulder is fine, and marginal calls will always go the striker's way (unless it's Stewie). Standing beyond the back line all game is not the spirit of the thing.

If the ball falls to you when you're miles offside, having just picked yourself up after your seventh failed overhead kick, it's a judgement call. If your team is 5 nil up, you're offside and the goal won't stand. If you're 5 nil down, it probably will.

It isn't perfect. Neither is VAR, and this is cheaper. The beauty of WNFC is that it doesn't need to be perfect. We play for a competitive game amongst mates, and if the teams are balanced enough that nobody wins, that's the whole point.

A draw is good enough. It's printed on the shirt and it sits at the core of everything we do. Keep it in mind and you won't go far wrong.